In four days, you, your Dad, brother, Grandpa (if he's feeling well) and I, are heading north on I-5 in a rented minivan to drive 7-1/2 hours - or so I'm told - to drop you off to college.
I know you were shaking your head at some bizarre things I did this weekend. But there are reasons behind it.
- I wrote your initials on 50 brand new mechanical pencils - yes I know they were disposable pencils. And no, I'm not saying your future roommate is a kleptomaniac. I did it hoping that in the midst of your busy day you will think of me when you grab a pencil.
- I started crying while cleaning the Brita pitcher for your dorm. (There is no explanation for this. It just happened.)
- I tried to stuff 18 years' worth of memories into three Target bins and a mini refrigerator.
- You know the three column list of things to bring printed in 8 pt Calvin & Hobbes font/landscape that normally would put me on overdrive as I realized we will be spending all weekend at Bed Bad & Beyond, Costco, Marshalls, Big 5, Target & Staples? It became a welcome distraction instead. If I'm hunting for Twin-XL bedsheet with the right thread count I can't cry, right?
- I was sad when you listened and FINALLY cleaned your room.
- I kept tabs on the remaining days and found myself saying, "This is going to be his last Monday, Tuesday, etc. here."
Then I wondered...
- I wonder if you can feel my love some 472.83 miles away?
- I wonder if you will look forward to coming back?
- I wonder if things will ever be the same?
- I wonder if you still walk with Him?
You see, son, I'm not crazy. I'm just sad at seeing you go. Our home will not be the same without you. But I know I have to pull myself together, trust God and just -- let go.
It is time.
So on Monday, we will drive you there, unload the bins and walk you to your dorm room. But I know that after we walk over the threshold, things will change - and not just because there is one less person heading back. It will be the beginning of your journey on your own path. The one that God meant just for you long before you were born. I can't wait to see what He has in store for you.
Meanwhile I will be here, just as I have done before, praying for you every step of the way. May you always walk with Him.
Love,
Mom
10 comments:
Oh my dear friend - I can not imagine what it feels like to be letting go of your baby as you send off a man into the world. I am reminding of a book I read to my children still...of a mother who creeps into her sons dorm room at night, picks him up in her arms and rocks him and says.
"I'll love you for ever
I'll Like you for always
As long as I'm living,
my baby, you'll be"
I often sing to my sons
"Where are you going my little one, little one,
where are you going, my baby, my own.
Turn around and your small
Turn around and your grown
Turn around and your a young man with a life all your own."
hugs - how exciting and yet how sad.
Our jobs as a parent is to raise adults...you do not plant seeds and say "I'm raising seeds" you always have the end result in mind of cabbage, tomatoes or a strong sturdy oak. Your sending your young oak out into the world, because you have done your job.
GOOD JOB MOM!!!!!!
Sweet post, beautiful to see your love for your son...
Oh boy, you should have cautioned we'd need Kleenex to read this post! I am a year away from writing thoughts that will be very similiar.
Just like "brokenwomen" was reminded of the Robert Munsch book, "Love you Forever", I'm reminded of Karen Kingsbury's children's book, "Let Me Hold You Longer". The story is a reminder to treasure and savor, not only our children's "firsts", but also their "lasts". If we'd only known that time they climbed up on our knees or asked to be picked up or wanted a cuddle, would be the "last" time, oh how we would have embraced it differently.
With the end of one chapter, comes the beginning of another. Praying you'll enjoy many new "firsts" with your son as well.
Hugs,
Joy
Thank you, ladies for your kind comments.
brokenwomen, I have a confession to make. The I Love You Forever book? Yeah I can totally see myself strapping a ladder on top of my car and climbing through the window to say those words. Both my sons would agree! :)
Oh you are such a sweet soul. This parenting thing is such a swirl of emotions. I am sure he will hold all the good stuff in his heart, and hope he lets you see it sometimes, so you know, you can pat yourself on the back . And that Robert Munsch book, makes me cry just thinking about it.
HI!!! Thank you for personally e-mailing me to share your experience with the Colposcopy, offering comfort and encouragement! How very awesome of you!
I-SO-ABSOLUTELY-LOVE-PHINEAS-AND-FERB!!! I even got the tee-shirt!
I like what you have written here, the way you have expressed yourself. Our kids are 6, 4, and 1 so I can not and will not say that I know how you feel or that I even understand. Instead, I say that I do hope your son will continue to walk with Him and that he will always think of you and the loving things you have done and will continue to do for him.
Just remember, you DO NOT have to "be strong" by not crying when you all drop him off. It's okay to cry and to let him see you cry. Let that be your strength...a mother who is concerned about turning her child over to "the world" (for a lack of better words). You're concerned if he will remember all that good stuff you and your husband have taught him and if he will apply it. So many things, but I will not hoard your comment section on this.
Thanks again.
smooches,
Larie
I'm visiting you from Joy's blog.
Wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed reading the comment that you left there.
Then I started reading your posts.
It's ok to cry.
Whenever you feel like it.
Sending them into the world is tough.
Take comfort in knowing that young man has a real good mama praying for him.
Sweet dreams.
Thanks for stopping by.
I love the Precepts studies. I do them with a group and we have a great leader. If your church or another local church has Precepts studies, I highly recommend them.
I don't do all the markings. You can do it however it works best for you.
My church has an awesome Bible teacher for our pastor, and I am blessed by that. But nothing replaces us getting in the Word ourselves. Precepts is a great study to do this! I have learned so much!
Psalm 119:16
www.precept.org
How are you doing today ... praying for you!
Tina,
I'm doing well today. Thank you for your prayers!
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