In four days, you, your Dad, brother, Grandpa (if he's feeling well) and I, are heading north on I-5 in a rented minivan to drive 7-1/2 hours - or so I'm told - to drop you off to college.
I know you were shaking your head at some bizarre things I did this weekend. But there are reasons behind it.
- I wrote your initials on 50 brand new mechanical pencils - yes I know they were disposable pencils. And no, I'm not saying your future roommate is a kleptomaniac. I did it hoping that in the midst of your busy day you will think of me when you grab a pencil.
- I started crying while cleaning the Brita pitcher for your dorm. (There is no explanation for this. It just happened.)
- I tried to stuff 18 years' worth of memories into three Target bins and a mini refrigerator.
- You know the three column list of things to bring printed in 8 pt Calvin & Hobbes font/landscape that normally would put me on overdrive as I realized we will be spending all weekend at Bed Bad & Beyond, Costco, Marshalls, Big 5, Target & Staples? It became a welcome distraction instead. If I'm hunting for Twin-XL bedsheet with the right thread count I can't cry, right?
- I was sad when you listened and FINALLY cleaned your room.
- I kept tabs on the remaining days and found myself saying, "This is going to be his last Monday, Tuesday, etc. here."
Then I wondered...
- I wonder if you can feel my love some 472.83 miles away?
- I wonder if you will look forward to coming back?
- I wonder if things will ever be the same?
- I wonder if you still walk with Him?
You see, son, I'm not crazy. I'm just sad at seeing you go. Our home will not be the same without you. But I know I have to pull myself together, trust God and just -- let go.
It is time.
So on Monday, we will drive you there, unload the bins and walk you to your dorm room. But I know that after we walk over the threshold, things will change - and not just because there is one less person heading back. It will be the beginning of your journey on your own path. The one that God meant just for you long before you were born. I can't wait to see what He has in store for you.
Meanwhile I will be here, just as I have done before, praying for you every step of the way. May you always walk with Him.