Overwhelmed...by God's goodness

This morning I attended an event at church called Arise! Cry Out! - a Worldwide Day of Extraordinary Prayer for Children and Schools sponsored by Moms In Touch International (MITI). Can you imagine the power harnessed by mothers from 130 countries simultaneously praying for the children of the world? You know that definitely moves God's heart.

And when His heart is moved, things happen.

Let me tell you what He did for me today.

They needed ushers for the event so I volunteered. As a result I had to sit in the back at one of the designated usher's chairs. When it was time to pray, I joined a group of ladies towards the front. On the way back to my seat I noticed a latecomer. She was an older lady, mid-70's, sitting by herself at the very last pew. She looked like she wanted to be left alone. During the next prayer session, instead of going back to my former group, I approached the lady instead. Hesitating a little, I asked her if it's okay to pray with her. She smiled and nodded.

She motioned for me to go first. I started praying that my college freshman find a good bible believing church close to Stanford and for him to continue in his Christian walk. I also prayed for my younger son who is still home. I heard her laugh when I mentioned that my little one is challenging but he keeps us on our toes. When it was her turn, she prayed for her daughters. I listened intently to her prayers so I can agree with her. Then all of a sudden I heard "Menlo Park" and "Palo Alto." Huh? At first I thought I did not hear her correctly. It turns out she is familiar with the area and knows of not just one, but TWO good "sound" churches within a mile of campus.

I mean, can you believe it?

There were a hundred women at that church this morning. Of all the ladies that I could have sat next to - God led me to the one who has two daughters living in the Palo Alto area. I looked down and was surprised to see the tear stains on my jeans. I just cried. And cried. And cried some more at God's goodness. Later on, she came to my seat and gave me a piece of paper with the names of the churches AND the service times. She also gave me her contact info. Then she left.

I said a prayer for her.

Oh, my heart is just overwhelmed and my eyes swollen from tears of gratitude to our wonderful, wonderful God. He hears our cries. He answers our prayers. Sometimes there's a wait. Sometimes immediately that you can almost hear Him whisper, "I am here."

My faith is renewed. My desire to pray more is strengthened. I am standing in the gap.

Thank you, Lord Jesus!

Exercising the Shield of Faith

"I take the Shield of Faith

May I be ready for satan's fiery darts of

doubt, denial and deceipt

so I will not be vulnerable to spiritual defeat."

- From The Warriors Prayer/Turning Point Ministries

These last few days I found myself a frequent visitor in the Throne of God.

It has been a week since we dropped off our son to college. What a rollercoaster of emotions in just 7 days.

At church last Sunday, he served as an usher with me for the last time. Before we left I asked the pastor to pray over him (I cried). Then our fellow ushers and my very pregnant sister who came to see him off prayed for him as well (Yup, more tears). Then another lady, who recenty started attending our church after 20 years of being a missionary gathered my two sons and I in a circle and prayed over us, too (By this time I was a blubbering mess). Needless to say, my son was covered in prayer.

We left Monday and stayed at a hotel for the night.

Move-in day was 8:00 a.m. Tuesday. It was so exciting because the students memorized all the names of the incoming freshmen and when we arrived at the dorm, they all yelled out his name. It made him feel so welcome. I spent the day organizing his room even moved the bed and desk to make it flow better (thank you some other Mom who watches HGTV). I put the new bible that I bought for him by his bed. Inside I tucked my well-worn copy of The Warrior's Prayer. It is a prayer detailing how to put on the armor of God. For the last few years, that is the prayer that I use to cap my morning devotions and to pray for other people.

We attended the Convocation ceremony later in the afternoon and had a dorm meeting with the Faculty Advisor. By 6:00 p.m., she said it was time for the students to send the parents out into the world. They gave us a pack of Kleenex, a Sharpie marker to leave a message for our children on the windows and a half hour to say goodbye.

Let's just say I made good use of the Kleenex.

We left for home on Wednesday morning.

Thursday night after our bible study, I came home in a semi-panic since I haven't been able to reach him that day. I tried Skype, text, e-mail and calling on his cell phone. I know the service for T-Mobile is very sporadic there. Oh, did the enemy have a grand time with me.

For a few minutes I imagined all sorts of bad things happening to him. Why did I not get his roommate's cell phone? Why did I not get the contact info of any of the RA's? Nor the Resident Faculty?

This went on for a good hour. Then I recognized it for what it was - a spiritual attack.

I took a deep breath. Remembered to pray. I needed to flex my Shield of Faith. That eventhough I can't see Him nor him, I believe that God will take care of my son. And that his time is in His hands. He will be here until God says his time is up - and not a minute nor a second too soon.

Last night at our Sunday night service I was still sad. A new usher was standing at his station. It was the last night of our study in the Song of Solomon about courtship, love and marriage. My friend, Cheryl, told me something profound when I expressed my worries about the things he will encounter at school. She told me God prepared him for it through that study. That he will know how to go through friendship, courtship, how to treat a woman, how to flee from immoral activities, etc. I am so thankful that God did that because I never could have talked to my son about these subjects.

He will start his first class in 8 minutes. (More prayers that he heard the alarm clock.) I asked him to take a picture of his first day of school for me, you know, for the scrapbook.

I know he's an adult now but maybe he'll humor his mother this one last time.

Finally...an answer

A few posts back, God asked, "Will you love him for me? I could not answer Him then. And honestly, I was hoping God will just forget about it and let me move on. Well, God did not forget, but I sure acted like He did. Days, weeks and months passed.

During this avoidance period, I hid behind the excuses that my flesh gave me: You can't because you're sick, you're tired. He's a jerk. Oh, and let's not forget Pride. Pride certainly got in the way. It got in collusion with Flesh and they both told me what I wanted to hear: Why should you bother to try? He doesn't even pay attention. He doesn't care. It's so nice when he's not here, you don't have to worry about cooking dinner every night. So peaceful! And here's the kicker: He's a selfish man and he doesn't deserve you!!!

Oh, they were convenient excuses, justifiable ones even and pleasant to the ears. But, I did not realize Pride was slowly but methodically destroying my marriage. And I almost let it.

But God...

Yesterday morning, He put it in my heart that the time has come. God wants His answer.

Last night, I was doing the dishes, and helping my younger son* memorize his verses for the upcoming BibleBee competition.

*Disclaimer: His motives for memorizing the verses are less than holy - he was doing it so he could reclaim the videogame I have been holding hostage for such a time as this. (Yes, I had to resort to our very own Verses for Videogames program. Oh, it was so frustrating! I have been on him for the last five months to get started and he wouldn't listen to me! Uh-oh. Oh.my.gosh. as I typed that it came to me - I was doing the same thing to God!)

I was only half paying attention to the memorization because the impending "talk" was foremost in my thoughts. My son came to me with the sixth verse:

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

It stopped me in my tracks. While I listened to my son's teeny, sweet 9 year-old voice recite that verse, I know I'm hearing from the Lord. Those sure sounded like marching orders to me. Suddenly I knew what to do: I need to humble myself and apologize to my husband. I could not avoid it any longer.
So, after much prayer and anxiety and more, "Son-can-you-repeat-Joshua-1:9-for-me,-please?", I finally talked to my husband. It wasn't easy. He was watching the World Series of Poker. He had that glazed expression in his eyes that is achingly familiar to me. I have seen that expression many times before. It made it easier to build my defenses, my wall. Pride reminded me, "Can you really go through with this? You already know what he's going to say. And you're going to feel slighted because he won't react the way you pictured it in your head."

But God also had something to say, "It's not about you, is it? It's about him. Look at him, you know deep down he's hurting. You know he's searching. He is my prodigal son and I want him back. Will you help me?"
It's about time I listened to God.

I told him: "(Deep breath) I have to apologize to you. Uhm, God put it in my heart that I have not been loving you the right way. I apologize for not loving you unconditionally. I use being tired as an excuse to not even try. I am sorry to say that I almost gave up on our marriage. So, uhm, I'm really sorry." Or something along those semi-coherent lines.

He nodded then turned up the volume. I don't even know if what I said will make a difference. But I choose to trust God who urged me to go forward. I pray that the bumbling words that left my lips were sifted and blessed by the Lord - that it went through His prodigal's ears, all the way to his heart.


We'll just have to wait and see.

Praying for a miracle

for a darling little girl named Brooke Mulford. She is four years old and is battling Stage 4 Neuroblastoma. I've never met her - she lives on the other side of the coast. But somehow, God brought her to my attention. We prayed for her at church and her story just touched my heart. See for yourself:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brookemulford

The Fast for the Furious

God is answering my prayer. At least that's what my pastor said when I told him that my husband, Agent G still has not spoken to me since election night. Maybe the walls are crumbling down bit by bit. I'm just getting hit by the bricks. And they hurt. A lot.

His sister, Major M came on Saturday and I was nice and cordial. Agent G ignored me. I guess I have my invisibility powers back again.

So, yesterday God impressed upon my heart to fast for Agent G. For the whole day. I have only done partial fasts before and by 10:00 a.m. my stomach is usually a-grumblin' and a-growlin'. Not this time, though. I prayed and read the bible. I waited but the hunger pangs did not come not during breakfast, lunch nor dinnertimes. I felt a little light headed but now I know what they mean when they said things will be clearer to you.

Yes, they were.

James 4:3 spoke to me. Am I asking for prayer for him for my own pleasure? I had to pause and think about that. Maybe I was thinking that if he's saved, our marriage will be all roses and rainbows.

Then I thought long and hard. I want him to be saved so he will have peace. And maybe the lunacy -- for lack of a better word, no actually, it's pretty accurate -- will go away. I pray that the spirit of anger and insecurity that so beset him be cast out in the name of Jesus!

The readings gave me hope. So I kept going...

Ezekiel 37 about the dry bones that God restored. Yes, there's hope.

1 Cor 7:10 about the wife of an unbeliever.
God wants us to stay married. So I will obey. I will stay the course. I just need to get out of the way of those falling bricks and take shelter under Jesus Christ, the Rock of my Salvation.

Thank you, Lord.