In that time between awake and asleep, God asked me that question.
I couldn't answer Him. Not right away anyway. I got up and the question kept coming "Will you love him for Me?"
But why does "he" make it so hard, Lord? Did you hear him when I asked him why he was up so early? A simple question, right? I know you heard him snarl, "WHAT TIME DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GET UP?"
I left for work with tears in my eyes.
Lord, you know he has been like that the last few days -- years, really. I know he is busy at work. I know he is worried about the court hearing. I know Mother's Day is coming up and he did not bother to get me anything. Again. I know all that.
I understand the stress. Really, I do.
It's the same stress I feel when he refuses to work on the budget with me. It's the same stress I feel when he does not do what he says he is going to do. It's the same stress I feel when I see him -- or rather, don't see him on weekends because he is at his parents' house. You know, the one with the stalker.
Why does he make it so difficult?
You might as well ask me to hold my breath for three days, Lord, it might be easier than loving my husband. Oh, I've done that. Held my breath for three days and came back to life.
Yeah, well, you're God, I'm not. Look to Me, I will help you.
But it hurts. I know.
You trust Me? Yes. I don't know, maybe. It really hurts, Lord. I'm sorry. I can't answer that right now.