Saturday, January 2, 2010

Happy New Dream

Our pastor always gives us a word for the year. For 2010, that word is HOPE.

It's a good thing, too because 2010 did not start the way I imagined it.

For Christmas, a friend gave me a copy of Hinds' Feet on High Places. As I read it though, I have this weird feeling that I am living the book! Has that ever happened to you? Lately, I have noticed that my journey seems to parallel that of little Much Afraid. I had some inkling into it when the word "wilderness" kept popping up for me the last couple of weeks. I suppose in preparation of what is to come. Sure going to the High Places sounds magnificent and I would like to reach new heights for God but I'm not thrilled that for her guides He chose Sorrow and Suffering. (I'm not big on sorrow nor suffering.)

My husband and I are having trouble communicating with each other - mostly about the "leaving and cleaving" concept. When is he going to realize he is not his family's savior? He cannot keep trying to rescue them from the consequences of their choices.

I spent the first night of the new year - our 24th wedding anniversary, in fact - soaking my pillow with tears and wondering if we will even reach our silver anniversary. Hello, Sorrow and Suffering. Nice to meet you.

I couldn't stand crying in bed anymore because it was getting hard to breathe. I grabbed the book and sought solace in the bathroom. God and I had a throne to Throne conversation. It was mostly me pouring my heart out to God. Calling on Jesus to intervene in our marriage. When I opened the book, where does Much Afraid find herself? There on the Shores of Loneliness where she was accosted by Resentment, Bitterness, Self-Pity and Pride. Funny, they certainly kept me company last night, too.

Yet in the midst of it all were glimmers of hope. Right there on page 83, "Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning." So I went to bed clinging to the book and whispering to myself Acceptance-with-Joy. Acceptance-with-Joy. Sleep finally came.

Well, it is now the next day and I have been cleaning my craft room. DH left to go - to his parents' house? or poker with the guys? - so "joy" isn't here yet. But in my cleaning I found a book by Billy Graham entitled Answers to Life's Problems. Haven't seen this book in awhile. There it was - a chapter on marital problems. I paused to read. Love is not a feeling. It is a commitment. Like Much Afraid, I tuck that pebble in my pocket. Then I came across Charles Stanley's letter from January 2009. I was going to shred it because it's a year old but stopped to read it. It was about a woman who was having marital problems. I felt like it was written for me. No matter what your situation or circumstance, there is hope for you...Your friends or family may walk way, but God never abandons you...The key to triumph in your trials is not your ability to face them - but your total reliance on God's grace. So trust Him, and be assured that 2009 (I crossed it to say 2010) will be one of your best years ever if you simply obey the Father and leave all the consequences to Him." Another pebble to tuck in my pocket.

So for this new year, no matter how it looks around me - or what the next chapter says, I choose to look up. Up to my Heavenly Father who wants the best for me. I also choose to trust. I choose to obey. Most of all, I choose to hope. The hope of the restoration of my marriage to heights it has never seen before. Up in the High Places.

The book has a happy ending, right?


Tammy said...

Mesrmizing were the words you wrote here. Hoping with you, in your journey to the High Places!

Joyful said...

Thanks for your authenticity and vulnerability. Your name was already in my prayer journal as I promised, but now I can pray more specifically.

My dear friend, I have so been where you are. You don't walk this path alone. My husband and I will be married 22 years this Fall and ours has not been an easy road either...but God.

You wrote, "I choose to look up." Did you see my post yesterday? It was entitled, "Aspire Higher". I also need that upward focus.

Love ya my friend. Sending hugs...and yes...the book has a happy ending :)

deb said...

I can do the easy praying part.
I hope the living of it isn't too too hard.
Sorry, if that matters.
Hugs, if that helps.

Deborah Ann said...

After a few years into the marriage, we were playing a game with another couple, I think it was called 'Balderdash.'

One person had to ask another person a question. You either needed them to answer 'yes' or 'no' depending on what you needed. My friend asked me "Do you love your husband?" Without even hesitating I said "No." To which she replied "You're lying!" I said "No, I'm being perfectly honest." It got quiet after that.

Husband knew that, or at least he knew I felt that way, whether I said it aloud or not. But after I got saved, I promised God that if He would save my husband, I would love him. God kept His promise, so I kept mine.

Everyday I thanked God for hubby. I said aloud all the things he did that I was grateful for. Every night while husband lay sleeping in bed, I wrapped my arms around him, and thanked God for the gift.

Give this a works! I'm living proof. I couldn't do it, so God did. And He'll do it for you.

Can I tell you that I love your honesty, and humorous tone in your words? I do. I think God must be just waiting with baited breath to see what you do next...

Jackie said...

I "stumbled" upon your blog this morning and so glad I did! I soo appreciate your sincerity and ability to communicate just where you "are" right now in your marriage......Honey, I've been married 33 years to my best friend and things haven't always gone so smoothly! There's been allot of changing and rearranging within each of us that God has performed over the years!

My heart is so moved that even as you were weeping, you chose to reach out to the Lord for help (some people just stay burried in their hurts and fears)! He loves that and boy did He speak to you through your book and letters! He's awesome that way isn't He!! He'll lead and guide you and minister to your husband as well!

This is the verse the Lord gave me for 2010 and I pray that it encourages your heart.....

Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. Isaiah 4:10 Msg.

Oh, I've joined your site and look forward to visiting with you!

Sweet Blessings!

Jackie said...

I wanted to add a note in response to the comment about my neat kitchen..........When my kids were young it never looked this neat!!

I'm enjoying this empty nest season of life and being a neat-nic!! I'm sure that someday when I have grand kids running around it will be "wonderfully" messy again! In the meantime I'm loving being a little OCD!! LOL!!

Sweet Blessings!

deb said...

Thanks for your kind words as always,
and I am nudging you to go for the new thing.
You can always opt out after if it isn't the right fit
Go for it.

Deb said...

Sorrow and Suffering as companions?

Scares me for sure.

But I know that He has everything under control.

Love how you put all of this together.

Sweet dreams.

amy said...

Remembering you in my prayers tonight :)
I have been where you are. God is faithful. Don't give up and miss the blessing(s).
I was tempted so many times to leave. I would have missed out on seeing so many miracles performed by God in my home.

deb said...

It was so nice to hear from you,
how are you?

Aine Willis said...

Grace and Peace, I've missed reading your posts. I hope all is well. God Bless, Aine.

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