Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Happy Birthday to me!

My husband has been ignoring me since election night. Yes, Senator McCain's loss deeply affected him.

Okay, when I write that out it makes him sound weird.

No, the real reason is because I expressed concerns about my sister-in-law's upcoming visit. We'll call her Major M. Usually when Major M visits, she has a mission. See their other sister, "L" (her real name begins with this letter, I do not imply that it means Loser) is back in our country of origin after a one year stint in the Middle East. "L" is being supported financially by Major M and my in-laws so that she could continue to:

a) be financially irresponsible,
b) commit adultery with a married man,
c) con their relatives there out of their social security numbers and
d) steal their identities.

In turn, Major M rewards this type of behavior by giving "L" free rent, free tuition for her son, and financing her next trip to France, or Canada, or wherever the pot o' gold is this time.

I did not get the memo that if I try to say ~ gently, even ~ that we will not be a part of this "financing" anymore, that my husband will get up from the couch, leave, go to his parents' house and give me the silent treatment.

This scene has been played in different variations hundreds of times in our 22 years of marriage.

Yet somehow this time it's different...

I'm not crying all alone in my room, putting up a brave front in front of the kids and getting despondent. Yes, I am sad especially today because it's my birthday but I'm surprisingly...fine. Either I have given up or my faith is growing. I prefer to think the latter.

See, I have been praying for God to soften my husband's heart and bring down the walls he built lo these many years.

In 1992, his beloved grandmother died. She was the one who raised him when his parents could not take care of him. Before he left the old country, he promised her that he would come back to see her again. But he never did. When she died, he was new to his job and we had our first baby. Somehow, he never forgave himself for this. That's when the walls started coming up. Brick by brick. Offense by offense. And, unfortunately, I have been on the outskirts of those walls.

Still, I know God is working behind the scenes. I can't see it, but I know it. And whatever happens to me or to our marriage, I know God is with me. Any experience I go through has passed through His hands. He has appointed it and will see me through it.

And that's what keeps me joyful. Welcome to my blog.

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